Today is about quitting. Or rather, not quitting.
Yesterday the results came out, and I have failed again to win the hearts of Competition Judges. I am getting accustomed to rejections.
But the feeling of “not wanted” “not good enough” is piercing. It is like a knife which I hold in my own hands, close to my heart. And when I am most vulnerable or pensive, I jab the knife in. Right in.
Careful enough to open the wound, but not to spill any blood. Nobody should see the mess.
So I find solace in my friend’s words. He says – Celebrate each rejection, wear it like a label on your arm. And keep trying.
Thank God for these positive people! They stir up the souls of the likes of us with a big spoon, and give a good knock on our heads. Yes, it makes us feel happy. And makes us write.
About the other quitting – I quit smoking last year, July 31. But that wasn’t the day I had my last cigarette. I had many after that. I don’t smoke unless someone offers me one. So I am in that can-smoke-if offered-for-free type now.
God! I have hated free loaders all my life. And now I’m one. So maybe I have not quit. But not to be too harsh, I do avoid people who smoke.
And sometimes I seek them out when I get those pangs in the middle of the night, to smoke. Very akin to being horny.
While there is a way out for the latter, there is none for the former. Coz I have quit.